“JURA”- New volunteer in Mreža udruga Zagor

Hello there, good people of Croatia!

I’ve been asked to write something like an introduction text about myself, you know, some sort of explanation of who I am and why the hell I’m here, so, here it is. My name (originally) is “Йордан” or, as the western dudes likes to say it: “Jordan”. 

In my hometown and around my family and friends I’m more known as “Yori”. Now, here, almost religiously, I’ve been renamed to “Jura” in the second after my arrival. By the way, you are all welcome to the ceremony, if there is such. (Some religious jokes… no offence, you know. ;D)

I am coming from an ancient, as they say, mystical country called- Bulgaria! You are now, probably, wondering: “What’s so mystical about this place?” And, yes! Exactly! It’s so mysterious that nobody has ever even heard of it, except the people living there. 

So I packed my cases, grabbed my stick and left my almost imaginable piece of land, I dropped my quite unprofessional kind of a job as a writer (not really ;), I’ve quit my drama acting education and my hobby as a hip-hop dancer to come here, in this beautiful country, for a whole damn year, to do my shit.

But, first of all, you have the right to know why the heck did I come here.

Here I am as a “volunteer”, a young European citizen, who’s getting paid monthly, arranged with a hell of an apartment and I didn’t even pay for the tickets to come here, doing… I don’t know what, actually… 

I mean, I’m here to promote some European values or something… apparently… I don’t know, I came for the free experience, to be honest. But, if I have to promote something anyway, then I would prefer to promote exactly this. The opportunity for this free experience, that has been given to me and is, also, given to you, just like that. I never knew this before, you know. That, there is some way to live for free… nobody is telling you about this in Bulgaria. I was just lucky to be at the right place, at the right time, knowing the right people. 

Sounds like a dream, right? That, you can just go, wherever the heck you want. Absolutely free, even better, getting paid to do your stuff, practise your hobbies, fill up your CV, experience an adventure or just… to try a new life.

So, that’s the reason why I’m here. I came to live a little. And for all of you, for all like me, that isn’t having a clue where the heck your life is going, the best advice that I can give you is just… GO!

You aren’t losing anything. (The European Union is paying! ;))


This sounds like some motivational speech. You can just print it and post it in your office’s toilets.



The 2nd and last Transnational Project Meeting of the project “Fostering a Culture of Participation: Mainstreaming Local Youth Councils in Europe” took place from 18th – 19th October 2022 in Namur, Belgium.

The meeting was hosted by CRECCIDE and gave the opportunity to explore the publication produced during the project, evaluate the different phases and activities, and explore upcoming cooperation opportunities.

The publication “Local Youth Councils – mapping practices”, a collection of different approaches, allowed the 5 country partners to reflect on their national, regional and local approaches and establish bridges with other relevant structures and actors. The practices presented are meant to showcase various possibilities, providing practical examples of the applicability, transferability, and implementation of different solutions and dimensions, such as the number of people involved, the age average, the link between local governance, its objectives, and resources available. Although the inside perspectives collected are not an exhaustive transcription of the interviews, they are very insightful in comprehending different perceptions and feelings regarding the same participatory structure.

In the framework of the project, one of the activities was the “Quality Assurance in Local Youth Councils” training course, which took place from 2nd – 8th May 2022 in Portimão, Portugal. The training course was an opportunity to engage 23 participants from the four partners’ countries and created a worthy space in which more than 50 people, young people, youth workers, and decision-makers, shared their expertise and insights.

On the last day, the consortium still had the possibility to get to know in more detail the support provided by CRECCIDE to Belgium municipalities and its tools, approaches, and mechanisms of child and youth participation.

The project was implemented by DYPALL Network in cooperation with CRECCIDE (Belgium), Città di Collegno (Italy), Krapinsko-zagorska županija (Croatia) and Mladinski svet Ajdovščina (Slovenia). It is funded under the Erasmus+ KA2 Exchange of Good practices programme by the BIJ – Bureau International Jaunesse National Agency.

The presenters of Krapinsko-zagorska županija were members of regional youth council Hrvoje Novak (president od RYC) and Marija Gebert (member).


Written by: DYPALL Network


Once you’ve been abroad, it’s hard to stay and live in your own country. You always want to see new places, see new lives.


This month I want to explain my first solo trip to other countries! I went on my first solo trip on 23 September. Deciding where I should go was difficult for me. Because I was trying to go to many countries but also I had to think about my free days and budget. I made many routes and changed my plans. But I realized that when I made a long route, I was getting more anxious. So I decided to make an easy route plan.


First Route: Zagreb -> Sarajevo -> Mostar -> Kotor -> Dubrovnik -> Zagreb


First I went to Sarajevo, Bosnia and Herzegovina. I stayed at a hostel near Baščaršija. When I arrived at the hostel, I started to meet people. Almost everybody in the hostel was a solo traveller. Somebody was travelling for months, somebody was doing a short trip but a common feature was being solo. We shared our memories, gave advice about travelling, and talked about our experiences and countries. I stayed two nights in Sarajevo but after two days, I didn’t want to leave Sarajevo. 


After Sarajevo, I went to Mostar. Mostar was amazing. Vibes, the old bridge and the lake look great. Also when you learn more about Sarajevo and Mostar’s history, you feel closer to the country. My Mostar trip was short. I stayed the night there. I think, one day is enough to visit Mostar but if you stay longer you won’t get bored because Mostar’s atmosphere is pleasant. I recommend that you join Sheva’s Free Walking Tour. He is local and he knows almost everything about Mostar and Bosnia Herzegovina. It takes around 3 hours but I think you won’t get bored, especially if you are curious about Mostar’s history and traditions.


My next station was Kotor, Montenegro. First of all, Kotor is an amazing city. When I arrived at Kotor, I loved the mountain. Mountains are so close to you. You can hike around the mountains. Then a great view awaits you.


I stayed at a party hostel in Kotor. Every evening, guests were meeting and playing beer pong. So it was great for meeting new people. If I talk about my travelling route in Kotor, first I visit the old town. The old town is so small. Then I hiked to the mountain for around an hour and arrived at the Castle of San Giovanni. If you go to the fortress from the old town, you should pay 8 Euro and for sure it is easier but if you use a hike way, you can go to the fortress for free.


I sit a bit in the fortress and just watch the view. Most of the people were sitting and enjoying the landscapes. After going back to the old town, my legs were shaking a bit because of walking but it was worth it. I had just two nights in Kotor so I didn’t rest after hiking. Directly I passed to Perast. 


Perast is a small town near Kotor. If you are bored in Kotor because it is crowded, you can go to Perast and sit in calm. Because there aren’t many people and you can go by bus in 20 minutes. If you want to get information about anything in Kotor, there is a Tourist Information Desk in front of the old town gate. You can ask if you need help and get a Kotor map. In my opinion, Perast was not special but for sitting and drinking coffee, it can be a nice place. 


In the evening, I went back to the hostel and played beer pong with others. I remembered that I slept just 3 hours in 34 hours because I wanted to travel around Montenegro but also spend time with people. So I chose to stay awake and continue to have fun! But I felt younger when I did this. I can sleep later but I can’t come to Kotor every day and meet these people.


And in addition, a hostel is a good option for solo travellers because every day new people can come and you can meet new people. Some travellers choose to stay at least 4-5 nights in a place. Sometimes for a few months. They say owing to this situation, they don’t have to rush and they can travel more calmly. I liked this situation. When I stay one or two nights, I have to do everything in a day and I have to say goodbye to people that I met soon. I would prefer to stay more but it can be difficult if you don’t have time and enough budget. 


Anyway, in the morning I left for Kotor and passed to Dubrovnik. The bus takes five hours from Kotor to Dubrovnik. When you arrive in Dubrovnik, you should walk half an hour (3 KM) to the old town from the bus station. I can say that Dubrovnik is a nice city, especially its vibes, but I had a bit of a high expectation because of people’s compliments. For me, Dubrovnik looks like Split, but more expensive. When I visit somewhere, I want to see many places: churches, fortresses, mosques, monasteries etc. But in Dubrovnik, if you want to go to the Wall of Dubrovnik, you should pay 250 Kuna. I cannot say whether it is worth it or not, probably if I could see it, I would like it. But if you have a limited budget, paying these prices is hard. So Dubrovnik is a nice place but I didn’t stay in Dubrovnik. I had a night bus at 21:00 and went back to Zagreb. It takes about 12 hours by bus.


Second Route: Zagreb -> Sofia -> Skopje -> Zagreb


I won’t say that Sofia is my favourite city. Yes, there were great churches and places. But it is a big city and the city’s vibe was not exciting for me. But I was lucky because I met great people in the hostel. We spent time together all the time. I loved Saint Alexander Nevsky Church. Also if you are curious about arkeology, you can go to Saint Sofia Church and Underground Museum.


I was planning to stay two nights in Sofia but I didn’t want to leave those people so I stayed one more night. I had a bit of a funny memory there. In the hostel, there was a room where 18 people were staying. First, when I heard it I was shocked. Because I didn’t see this option on I learned that you can see it just on the hostelworld website. When I see the room, it looks a bit weird because it is downstairs and looks like a prison. But I decided to stay in this room on my third day in Sofia because I thought it would be more fun and it was cheaper than my room. First, I paid 36 euros for two nights and stayed with 8 people but I learned that another room is 8 euros! If you are doing a budget trip, it can make a huge difference. By the way, there was one more room upstairs like downstairs. But I think downstairs is better. Scarier but there is more space. 


Anyway, My Sofia journey finished and I went to Skopje on 11 October. The bus takes about 4,5 hours from Sofia to Skopje. When I arrived at the bus station, I couldn’t find wi-fi. So I tried to find the hostel with the address and offline map. It was a bit hard and I decided to ask people. People were kind and helped me. Also, I saw three women on the road and when I asked them the hostel’s address, I learned that they also stayed at that hostel! I like this kind of convenience. I realized that there are a lot of Turkish people in Skopje. Also, there is a Turkish Bazaar (Old Bazaar) in Skopje. So language was not a boundary for me in Skopje. For example, one day I wanted to buy a burek (pastry), I spoke in English but the owner of the bakery answered in Turkish.


Another day, I went to Millenium Cross. There are two important places outside of Skopje. Millenium Cross and Matka Canyon. You can go to Millenium Cross by bus but I prefered hiking and walking until the cable car (Vodno). I walked for almost two hours. If you like hiking, I recommend it because the forest is nice. But you should know that you will be tired at the end of the road. If you have hiking shoes, wear them and don’t forget water. When I arrived at the cable car, I used it but also you can continue hiking. But I was tired and I didn’t have time for more hiking. And the view from the cable car is amazing! You can watch Skopje and the forest from above. And the tickets are so cheap! A two-way cable car ticket is 100 Macedonian Denar (1,5 Euro). I would recommend looking at the cable car time. 


The view from Millenium Cross was great. You can see Skopje. But Millenium Cross is in Vodno Mountain and the mountain was in the fog. I couldn’t see the view a lot but still, I liked the landscape and spent an hour there. I think, whether you like a place or not depends on your point of view. 


I went back to the center and walked around the centar. If you go to Skopje, you will realize that you will see a lot of statues. I like some of them. I felt like I was seeing a historical scene. But some of them are a bit unnecessary for me. If the statue is meaningful, it can be great but for example, the statue of a woman jumping into the sea means nothing to me.


Another day, I joined a free walking tour. I highly recommend this tour. Zoran is local and he explained his city in a funny way. I like his energy. It was almost three hours but I didn’t get bored. 


After Skopje, I spent time in the center and went to the bus station for Zagreb. The bus from Skopje to Zagreb takes 12 hours. I guess I got used to staying on the bus. It was not hard for me at that time.   


I can say that solo travelling was great. When I did it for the first time, I had some concerns. I was thinking, I will get bored, want to go home again, and cannot manage the trip. But when I started, I wanted to stay longer. I was upset when I went back home. Because when I see new places and meet people, I want to see more countries and cities. But I know that it is not ending. Once you’ve been abroad, it’s hard to stay and live in your own country. You always want to see new places, see new lives.




  • You can stay in a hostel. Hostels are generally cheaper than hotels. And you can meet new people. Hostels have 8-bed mixed, 6-bed mixed etc. Depends on the hostels. You can check or hostelworld. People write reviews about hostels. You can check the reviews and choose your hostel. I recommend that you choose a hostel near the center of the city. It will be easier to travel around the city.


  • Couchsurfing: If you want to stay in a place for free, you can use Couchsurfing. Some people may want to host you. If you wish to meet local people, you can also use Couchsurfing.


  • If you buy a night bus when you go somewhere, your accommodation will be free. Sleeping on a bus can be hard but a good way for a budget trip. 


  • You can join a free walking tour. There are free walking tours in most countries. Tour guides explain the history of the city, culture, people, tradition and more in these tours! They work tip-based. If you like touring, you can give a tip to a tour guide. 


  • If it is your first solo trip, I recommend that you check all of the tourist places beforehand and make a plan. For example, “First day I will visit these places, second place these places etc.” If you know what you can do in the city, you will not be bored because your days will be full. When you get used to being a solo traveller, you can be more spontaneous, if you want. I always check before where I can visit.


  • If you cannot manage your first solo trip or you didn’t like it, I recommend that you should give it a second chance. Sometimes, journeys can be great but also can be hard and boring. All of these things are experiences. 


Writer: Evin Arslan

Photos: Evin Arslan


There are a lot of old and new European Solidarity Corps volunteers around the world and they have great memories. Let’s check out volunteers’ unforgettable memories! 


Marija Ratković, From Serbia to Italy


Laboratorio 53 focuses on giving different kinds of support to immigrants. Legal and psychological. But except for that, they also make a gathering every Thursday and people cook together there. Immigrants cook something from their country or some typical Italian dishes. They play different games and socialize. And we often went to lunch with them. The first time I went there, a group of people really moved me. I remembered that I had my eyes full of tears because while seeing them smile, happiness just because people are coming there. Because it was like escaping all the horrible things that they lived for them. They usually live in group homes. It is not like normal living even if they are in Rome. So coming there was really nice for them. That was one of the best moments that influenced me. 


María Isabel Ruiz Bonaque, From Spain to Poland


I think I will never forget the first time I hitchhiked. Sępólno Krajeńskie is a small village in Poland. So, we didn’t always have a good combination for taking the bus or train. I remembered one weekend I really wanted to visit a castle and I talked with my friend. We couldn’t find a bus or any transportation. And we said let’s hitchhike. My first experience with that was amazing. We took several cars, and we met a lot of kind, funny people. And we finally visited the castle. 


Weronika Tessar, From Poland to Croatia


My special moment during the project is connected to my work. We had a youth exchange and I was responsible for leading the activity. There are small groups of around three people in this activity. One person in a group is a listener. The task of the listener is to sit and don’t talk, don’t say any word. And her/his group are saying good things about him/her. The group has four minutes to talk only about the good and positive things about this listener. At the end of the time, the listener only says thank you. I was leading this workshop and of course, everyone has a chance to be a listener. I remember how amazing looking those people were who opened their hearts and said all good things about others. People were hugging, and crying, and they were so happy that they had a chance to focus only on positive things because on a daily basis maybe we don’t think that we are good enough or we just noticed bad things about ourselves. If you see yourself from a different perspective it can be really surprising that you have so many good qualities, you are so talented. I love this workshop. This is my favourite memory from my volunteer work.


Amena Reda, From Egypt to Croatia


I had Arabic literacy classes with one of the women. Because they are facing problems learning the Croatian language. After only two sessions, she decided to join the Croatian class. So I was really happy. It is a mental game at the end. Learning a language is not really hard but she just needed a kind of push, a very small push for confidence. I think the unforgettable moment in the whole project is that you can see an instant impact on people.


Asmin Ayçe İdil Kaya, From Turkey to Bulgaria


There are a lot of nice moments that I had. But if I choose one of them, I want to choose something more valuable for me. I was staying in Sofia for a few weeks to visit my friend there and I was staying at my friend’s house. His name is Angel. We were going out, partying, and meeting with friends. We were coming back home and we were very hungry when we arrived home and we were sitting in front of the fridge and talking about life, people that we met. We didn’t have a lot of worries and it was nice to come home. We were comfortable. It sounds so basic but when I remember those days it was a very nice memory from those days.


Dino Švraka, From Bosnia Herzegovina to Croatia


One of my unforgettable moments was when we had a green conference. We were part of the green conference and I was standing there on our stand and speaking with people. The majority of them were students. One guy came to me and asked me about our project and I started to present the project. After listening he liked it and asked me for my contact number. I gave it but I didn’t know who that guy was. After two or three days, he got back to us with our email and I learned that he was one of the owners of the biggest automobile company in the world. So basically he is the best for electric cars and he decided that maybe help us. 


Arianna de Julio, From Italy to England


I remember that we had some evenings with my flatmates and other volunteers. They were pretty funny. We used to organize parties in our houses. It was summer and nice. The important moment was when we were trying to go back to normal life. So having parties, having fun, and being together was new. It used to be normal in the past before covid and it was not normal anymore. So it was strange but at the same time, I was really happy because I was living in a place that was my dream. Also, another unforgettable moment is probably my long walks close to the seaside because Bournemouth is close to the sea. The weather and sunset were great. 


*The stories are taken from the “Stories of the ESC Volunteers” podcast channel made by Evin Arslan and Mreža udruga Zagor.


*Photos are taken by volunteers. 

Grmljavina – Tina Gmajnić



Kiša opet pada

Nebo opet pokazuje svoju moć

Ne možemo mu mi narediti kada će plakati


Ponekad baš paše

Pokisnuti do kože

Osjećati se živ

Nakon toga 

Zamotati se u dekicu

Uzeti knjigu



Opet grmljavina

Da, da

Tu smo

Čujemo tvoj bijes

I mi bismo tako grmjeli da možemo

Ali bježimo

Od svega

Od svih

Zamišljamo idilu

I bolje je tako


Kako bi svijet izgledao da svi grmimo dok plačemo?


Tina Gmajnić

MEMORY IS OBSOLETE – Stina Lončarević

It’s the picture of you pinned to the wall – our wall – that is now waving slightly in the warm afternoon wind coming through the window. It’s July. Heat pools up in the corners and drips into the seams, turning into sweat on the forehead. I lay sprawled on the bed, a glass of lemonade sits on the table. There are three pieces of ice inside but I don’t hear them cackling at me because of the phone ringing. 

The heat seems to suddenly stop pooling, because in a fragment I’ve turned cold.  The words that come at me spread through my mind like a wildfire, slowly albeit racing. Suddenly we find ourselves on the old road again, which lays at the countryside by the wheat fields, the one with missing pieces of concrete in places and where the battered down cars whose paint had worn off drive. And every so often old farmer Mika would pass carrying his hay. It is warm, the wind is playing in our hair and we are running with only seemingly endless and peaceful miles in sight.

In a motion we are laying in the midst of the fields. I remember you looking over at me with that smile, sly in thinking I hadn’t noticed. Would you still think that now? Suddenly the ground shakes, opening into some kind of endless, cimmerian abyss and I’m falling, falling. Your face scratches off much like the old car paint and it becomes my final view before the darkness eats me up.

The room is cerulean and cold. No trace of the former heat remains anymore. Cold. I’m laying on the floor, pooling in the corners are now tears. I can only hear the ice cackling in the distance, or maybe just the wind chime. The open doors reveal the summer of the day, the wind comes in slowly and it tells me quietly that your rope was made out of wheat stalks. 

Author: Stina Lončarević


Večer društvenih igara – “Alias” turnir

17.10.2022. – Centar za mlade KZŽ

Pozivamo sve zainteresirane mlade od 15 do 30 godina, da nam se pridruže na aktivnosti “Večer društvenih igara”, u sklopu koje će se organizirati turnir iz društvene igre “Alias”. Turnir će se održati u Centru za mlade KZŽ (Trg svete Jelene 6, Zabok), 17.10.2022. od 17:00 do 21:00 sati. Prijavi sebe i partnera, pokažite tko je najbolji tim u “Aliasu” te osvojite simbolične nagrade. Prijave su obavezne i traju do 14.10.2022. Veselimo se tvojem dolasku i druženju.

Retro party – 08.10.2022. – Konjščina

Dragi sumještani i prijatelji Konjščine. S ponosom vas pozivamo na Retro party! Stvari koje čuvate predugo u ormaru, baš su za ovu priliku. Kada? U subotu, 8.10., od 17h Gdje? Ispred Doma kulture Kaj bude sve tam? U 17:00h je program i igre za djecu uz nagrade U 19:00h u prostoru Doma kulture održava se humanitarni pub kviz na teme desetljeća od 50-ih do 80-ih uz nagrade. Potrebno se prijaviti na kviz putem obrasca (FB). U 19:45h će se održati aukcija za određene predmete. Od 20:30 uz atmosferu benda Yellow Submarine uživamo i plešemo. Zabavljaju nas i Zalatarbistričke mažorektinje. Ovo okupljanje je humanitarnog tipa. Kako bismo potaknuli zapošljavanje logopeda i olakšali rad, novac odlazi u svrhu kupnje kvalitetnog logopedskog aparata.


07.10.2022. – Zelena dvorana, Zabok

MUSEUM OF THE REVOLUTION, Srđan Keča, Hrvatska, Srbija, 2021., 91’ 

Petak, 7.10. u 20 h – Zelena dvorana

Prije pola stoljeća, arhitekt Vjenceslav Richter predložio je odvažnu viziju za muzej koji bi “čuvao istinu o nama”. U ostacima ovog napuštenog utopijskog projekta nastaje prijateljstvo između sedmogodišnje djevojčice i jedne starice. Kada grad započne brisanje svih tragova Muzeja revolucije, iz života djevojčice nestaju bezazlene igre i priče uz vatru.

Oktoberfest Punkt

07- 08.10.2022. – Punkt Beer House

Vraća se veliki OKTOBERFEST party u Punkt Beer House restoranu. Petak 7.10 i subotu 8.10. rezervirajte za ludu zabavu.


Natjecanje u ispijanju pive, prva nagrada 25 litara Stiegl pive


Natjecanje u jedenju ljutih papričica by Volim Ljuto, nagrada 500 kn

Očekuje vas tematsko uređen prostor, odlična zabava, hostese obučene u tradicionalnu Njemačku odjeću, posebne pogodnosti, tematska jela i joj puno toga. Svoj stol rezerviraj na 099 39 66770 ili u inbox.

Otvorenje KIKI Festivala – INKLUZIVNO KINO

08.-14.10.2022. – Kino Toplice

Subota, 8. listopada u 18 h – Kino Toplice Pozivamo vas na svečano otvaranje Kiki festivala u Kino Toplice u Krapinskim Toplicamas inkluzivnim filmom Nerazumijevalica, u subotu, 8. listopada s početkom u 18 sati.

Zabok Industrial Race

23.10.2022. – Zabok

Nakon više od 30 godina u Zaboku će se održati cestovna utrka. U sklopu trkačkog događaja “Zabok industrial race 2022” moći ćete birati između dvije utrke pod nazivom utrka “ZA10” duljine 10 km i utrka “ZA5” duljine 5 km. Više informacija o prijavama, stazi i ostalim detaljima možete saznati na:

Radionica osnova WordPressa

13.10.2022. – Centar za mlade KZŽ

13.10.2022. od 16:00 do 20:00 sati, održati će se radionica osnova WordPressa. Radionica će se održati u Centru za mlade KZŽ (Trg svete Jelene 6, Zabok). Broj mjesta na tečaju je ograničen, te vas molimo da se prijavite putem prijavnice koju možete pronaći na

Radionicu će voditi ESS volonter Mreže udruga Zagor Erkin iz Turske.

Druženje s promotorima

28.10.2022. – Centar za mlade KZŽ

28.10. od 17 do 19 sati u prostoru Centra za mlade KZŽ (Trg svete Jelene 6, Zabok) Dođi i osvoji 2 boda u kategoriji “Umreži se”. Tko može sudjelovati? Mladi koji su se registrirali ili se planiraju registrirati na mrežnu stranicu “Nagrađivanje mladih” Što će se raditi? Mladi će se družiti s promotorima uz kavu i čaj.

Best of TIN SEDLAR show – stand up

12.10.2022. – Punkt Beer House

12.10. (srijeda) u 20:00 sati

“Dragi ljudi iz Oroslavja i okolice, vidimo se u Punkt Beer House-u! Dolazim kod vas s kombinacijom svega kaj imam. Bit će tu best of materijala, nekog novijeg teksta, nekog starog teksta i vjerojatno nečega što mi u tom trenutku padne na pamet. Dakle, svega! Družimo se 80-90 minuta, popijemo pivicu, zezamo se i odemo kući sretniji. Živjeli!”

Upad: 45 kn

Ulaznice mozete nabaviti na šanku Punkt Beer House-a ili putem sustava


Slušam cvrčke

Nikad nisu bili toliko glasni

Zujanje u ušima

Čudni tonovi vode me u daljinu

U njihovom svijetu nastaje glazba

Zapravo smo mi maleni


Bukom rušimo idilu

Sad nam vraćaju

“Čuj nas”, viču sve glasnije

“I mi smo potrebni”

Neke stvari još uvijek ne možemo kupiti

Neke stvari još uvijek treba doživjeti

Zašto zaboravljamo neke stvari?

Poet: Tina Gmajnić


Umjetnost i slabo mentalno zdravlje često idu pod ruku te se još češće mentalna bolest umjetnicima nađe kao velika muza. Štoviše, konekcija između literarnih umjetnika i mentalnih bolesti još je veća.

Dok ne nužno cementiran, stereotip ‘mučenog, tužnog’ umjetnika jest jedan kojim gledamo na umjetnike već stoljećima, bez kraja u vidiku, datirajući još od 4. kada je Platon prvo izrekao kako je poezija od ‘božanskog ludila’. Sve uz mnogo povoda: razlozi za ovakvo razmišljanje su mnogi. 

Osim znanstvenih studija koji i dalje istražuju poveznicu između kreativnog genija i mentalne bolesti, otkrit ćete kako je vaš prosječan pisac najvjerojatnije u nekom stanju mentalne nestabilnosti te generalno nije neurotipična osoba. Mučen depresijom, socijalnom anksioznošću, bipolarnim poremećajem, psihozom te ostalim, on je, obično, solitarna osoba. 

Autorovo vrijeme u samoći omogućuje mu dugoročan period proveden u svrsi ekspresije svoje žalosti, koja često može biti pojačana manjkom novaca, sna i slično. Dok možemo priznati svaki od ovih indirektnih uzroka, i dalje stoji činjenica da je umjetnik vjerojatno duboko nesretna osoba te mi možda nikada nećemo biti svjesni točnog uzroka ove pojave. 

Smatran jednim od najboljih autora fikcije u modernom Japanu, Shuji Tsushima, kasnije preuzimajući književno ime Osamu Dazai, živi mučen lošim mentalnim zdravljem, adikcijom i afinitetom prema prostitutkama i samoubojstvu.  

Pokazujući još od ranih godina mnogo literarnog talenta, on odlazi na sveučilište gdje inicijalno stvari kreću dobro, sve do naglog samoubojstva njegovog najdražeg autora, Akutagawe Ryunosuke. Ovaj događaj Dazaiu uzrokuje neobjašnjivu bol i on počinje kolebati. U sljedećim godinama, povezan je s Japanskom Komunističkom Partijom, odbačen sa strane obitelji, i vjenčan. Konačno završava fakultet, no ne prije troje pokušaja samoubojstva, od kojih svi završavaju neuspjehom. Njegov život nastavlja morbidnim smjerom sve do posljednjeg i uspješnog pokušaja samoubojstva, prije kojeg uspijeva završiti svoj finalni i najpoznatiji roman: No Longer Human.

Iako se distancirajući od autobiografije, No Longer Human snosi značajne sličnosti života samog Osame. Priča Obe Yoze, ispričana kroz troje ‘dnevnika’ od kojih svaki biva mračniji od prethodnog, jedna je socijalne odvojenosti, anksioznosti i samoće. Prikazujući realistično iskustvo depresivca, Yozov osjećaj nečovječnosti u njemu je prisutan još od ranog djetinjstva te je kao takav raspršen kroz cijelu knjigu, preostajući tako do samog kraja. On nauči prikrivati svoje osjećaje u početku i tim povodom preuzima ulogu komičara te takvim ponašanjem odbija ostale od sumnje u njegovu psihičku stabilnost i svjetovni pogled a dobiva naklonost. Kroz život upušta se u destruktivno ponašanje, tražeći kroz njega način da se otereti svoje boli i, iako ne zamara one oko sebe svojim mukama, nikad ne izlazi iz tog kompleksa.

“I have always shook with fright before human beings. Unable as I was to feel the least particle of confidence in my ability to speak and act like a human being, I kept my solitary agonies locked in my breast. I kept my melancholy and my agitation hidden, careful lest any trace should be left exposed. I feigned an innocent optimism; I gradually perfected myself in the role of the farcical eccentric.” ― Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human

Vjerojatno svakome poznat, jedan od najvećih Ruskih pisaca u povijesti i autor dvoje remekdjela, Rat i Mir i Ana Karenjina, Leo Nikolajević Tolstoj u svojim pedesetim godinama pati spiritualnu i egzistencijalnu krizu te postaje depresivan. Iako imućan i uspješan u svojoj karijeri, Tolstoj počinje osjećati iznimnu melankoliju te njegov život postaje “ravan, i više nego ravan: mrtav”. Ovaj osjećaj u njemu budi određene uvide i on počinje propitkivati umjetnost, religiju i smisao života. Njegov problem nije izravno sa uobičajenim životom koliko je sa onim intelektualaca i umjetnika, kakvim je i sam oduvijek živio. Smatra da je živio pogrešno te da se mora promijeniti. U ovom razdoblju, on piše kratko autobiografsko djelo pod nazivom “Priznanje” u kojem istražuje osobno ultimativno filozofsko pitanje: Ako Bog ne postoji, a smrt je neizbježna, koji je smisao života? Djelo počinje bajkom koja metaforički prikazuje Tolstojeva iskustva i osjećaje. On zatim prema temeljnoj dilemi bajke opisuje četvero stavova: Neznanje – u ignoriranju činjenice smrti koja se svakome približava, život postaje podnošljiv. Njegov problem leži u njegovoj svijesti, on naime nije u stanju neznanja. Sljedeće Tolstoj opisuje kao Epikurejstvo: svjestan činjenice da je život kratkotrajan, čovjek može uživati u vremenu koje ima. Ovdje Tolstojev problem suštinski leži u moralnosti. U sljedećem izjavljuje kako bi intelektualno najiskreniji odgovor bio samoubojstvo. U pretpostavki da Bog ne postoji i smrt je neizbježna, čemu nastaviti život? On sam je za ovakav postupak, ipak, suviše kukavičan. Napokon, zbog toga što nije voljan niti je u stanju poduzeti mjere protiv svoga stanja, posljednja i opcija na koju se on odlučuje jest ta da nastavi životom “naprotiv njegove apsurdnosti”. U epilogu opisuje san koji doživljava nakon završetka djela te on stoji kao potvrda o njegovoj radikalnoj transformaciji.

“I asked: ‘What is the meaning of my life, beyond time, cause, and space?’ And I replied to quite another question: ‘What is the meaning of my life within time, cause, and space?’ With the result that, after long efforts of thought, the answer I reached was: ‘None’.” ― Leo Tolstoy, A Confession

U kratkoj priči ‘The Tell Tale Heart’ Edgar Allan Poe na zanimljiv način opisuje ubojstvo koje počinjava čovjek u epizodi psihoze. Protagonist, čije ime ne saznajemo, pripovijeda u prvom licu, dajući priči dojam ‘Priznanja’. U samom početku on se obraća pitanjem: “Zašto mislite da sam lud? Ne vidite li da sam u potpunoj kontroli uma?”. Ipak, upućuje na bolest, opisujući kako su se njezinim povodom njegova osjetila, posebice sluh, pojačala, on čuje zvukove raja i pakla. Ovim agresivnim opravdanjem dobiva se inicijalan uvid u njegovo mentalno stanje. Tada se upoznaje njegova žrtva, starac s kojim živi u istoj zgradi, te on objašnjava kako protiv starca ne gaji nikakve negativne osjećaje, štoviše on ga voli, ne želi njegov novac već njegovo oko, koje ga smeta toliko da ga proglašava zlim. Ponovno poriče ideju mentalne nestabilnosti uvjeravajući kako osoba nezdravog razuma nije sposobna planiranja te elaborira svoj postupak. Predstojećeg tjedna, preko dana starcu iskazuje izričitu ljubaznost dok mu noću potajno ulazi u sobu i izuzetno tiho otvara vrata dovoljno da na njegovo oko položi zraku svjetlosti no, kako je oko uvijek zatvoreno, ne dobiva priliku za izvršavanje ubojstva. Prilika mu se napokon prikazuje osme noći i on uspješno izvršava zlodjelo. Skrivajući tijelo te, uvjeren je da je siguran,  svoje samopouzdanje nastavlja pokazivati i sljedeće jutro kada mu na vrata kuca policija čime započinje manipulativna igra, i naposljetku njegov mentalni slom. Ovaj događaj služi kao okidač rapidnog pogoršavanja njegovog stanja i iako ispočetka smiren i pouzdan, nedugo nakon postaje uzrujan te počinje agresivnim ponašanjem praviti buku u pokušaju da nadglasa unutrašnje zvukove, kada mu se učini da je jedini koji ih čuje. Ovu mogućnost ubrzo isključuje, donosi odluku da su zapravo oni ti koji se poigravaju njime te preplavljen senzacijama osjetila i psihološki iskrivljenim mislima puca i vičući priznaje zločin.

Često izdvojena i razvrstana od mentalnih bolesti, psihoza je poremećaj koji se pojavljuje u oblicima težeći od blažih prema jačim slučajevima i iako stigmatizirana činjenica je da mnogi njome pate te da se ona prikazuje na načine puno drugačije od onih na koje bi možda isprva pomislili, a isto vrijedi i za sve ostale oblike mentalnih poremećaja.

Writer: Stina Lončarević