“She needed a metamorphosis because she would not want to be a caterpillar anymore.”

“Do you know what’s the best thing in the world?” he asked. “ I really don’t care” she replied while she was lighting up her cigarette. It was a breezy, June night, at 3 in the morning, they were on the top of the roof.  Everything was so calm, the city was so dead. Yet, she could still see the lively city lights. Soon they would be turned off one by one as her cigarette fades away.

 She scratched her chin and bit her lip. She could see the fondness of the lights and fake lives of the city.  It was not a person what she was.  Took a deep breath, felt the summer breeze on her shoulders coming from the ocean behind. It was rubbing her tend skin. Lift her head and looked at the starry sky. Closed her eyes and tried to listen to the melody of the universe. She really desired to be alone. Because she was tired of being among the people. “ Is it the life that you are living to?” she asked. “What do you mean?” he asked. “Nevermind,” she said. She would know that he would not understand any of her speech. It was not even worth losing a single breath for that, she thought. Maybe she was pretending too arrogant but she was feeling that it was the time for transformation. She needed a metamorphosis because she would not want to be a caterpillar anymore. She would like to spread her wings and fly across to the moon and thrive in the dust to the universe and the way unknown. Sipped the last straw of the alcohol and climbed to the fences. “ What is passing in your mind ?” he shouted. She smiled. “ I just want to bring my rains.”. “I really don’t get  what you are talking about,” he said. “ Does it matter what I am saying?” she turned and whispered. “ Of course!” he said. “ Well, why?” she came closer to him. He stuttered. “ C- cuz I like you”. This sentence made her laugh. “Is that all ? That’s simple?” He continued “ I do care about you” She laughed again “You do?” swung her head right to left and went inside. Took her bag and tightened up her hair. Put on her shoes and went out. Pushed the button of the elevator but it was the slowest thing she has ever seen in her life. Rolled her eyes and went downstairs.  She wanted to get lost in the streets of her favourite city. Reckless, she walked down to the city. She could hear the music. The music of nature. The symphony of the cosmos. She wanted to be a note of this perfect philharmonic.

While the purple and red neon lights that blended by the morning mist reflecting on her face, she raised her head and looked up skyscrapers rising from the ground. She could not breathe when she felt being surrounded by such an environment. She got excited like a wanderer who sees a mirage in the middle of Sahara when she saw the tree standing ahead. She had her mouth gaped open wide. With the dizziness that the alcohol gave, by teetering in the concrete jungle, she sat down under the tree.  She looked at the beam that the billboards transmit and the sizzling wires above. She thought about the meaningless conversation that she just had. Are people really getting such dull? Don’t they want to comprehend? Or she just cannot express herself well enough? While the thoughts were running inside of her head, the sourish feeling made her feel sick to her stomach. She gulped sourly. By flipping her hair back, she covered her face. She wanted to cry her eyes out. Maybe that was the only emotion she could feel at that moment. She was feeling alone in this robotised world. Not a robot world but a robotised world. Because she was wishing to believe that there is someone who can still feel something somewhere. She knew that It will not take a long time. She was thinking that soon, not only the souls but also the hearts will be automatised. Well, why did she care about it that much?  Yet, while she was loving this electrical city madly. Was not she a part of this city? She took a deep breath. She looked at her digital watch. The two blinking dots were showing four-thirty five in the morning. With smaller dots, the date was indicated as 2041. Soon, the sun will rise and people will wake up and go to their works as if nothing happened. They will have lunch, work all day long and will come back home in the evening. While that thought occurring in her mind, she stared at the date written on her watch. How come the time has flown such quickly? As if the small girl was not herself who used to capered in these streets once upon a time. Like she suddenly grew up and this digital city has grown up with her together as well. While the building painted in white stretching out the sky, she transformed into an illusion. Well, what was making her sad?  Elapsing or the alteration of this city? Why she was so angry? To herself or others? She tossed the warm water that she pulled out of her bag. She went with the flow of the pick-me-up. After she had cleaned her mouth with the back of her hand, she put the bottle back into her bag. She stood up and dusted off. She walked home by being captive of her thoughts. She came home. After she had thrown her bag to the entrance, she clumped to her room. She stared at the ceiling. She was trying hard to not get lost in her mind. She conditioned herself to stay in the moment. “ Just watch your thoughts” she murmured. Her lips vibrated. That shiver captured her once again. She closed her eyes while the morning breeze coming from the open window was mixing her thoughts and caressing her body. Soon, she will have woken up, gone to work and then had her lunch. She will be working all day long and will come back home in the evening.

Writer: Erkin Duman

Photo by Deniz Atasoy

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